Aisha - it was a dogs life.

It has been many years since I posted in our family blog (so it's quite a long read), but the weekend events had me reflecting about the past and as I read the blog title my eyes swelled up with tears.

After 13 short years of being our faithful companion, our beloved Aisha left us on Sunday at about lunch time after a short illness. We knew this day would be coming, but it always hits you harder than you imagine. Aisha was always a dog full of life and energy and so when she showed signs of slowing down this week, both Christine and I were worried. As I was running the Jungfrau marathon on Saturday, we decided not to take Aisha with us but leave her with a friend.

On returning our friend contacted us to report that Aisha had collapsed on her walk and was refusing to get up. We rushed over to pick her up and took her straight to the vet. Being a Saturday and all, we knew that this was going to be expensive, but we were not expecting the diagnose we were given.

After the initial look over the vet seemed to think it was just old age catching up with her, but we persisted and ensured him, Aisha was old, but still very full of life. So he had a closer look, and then he got the ultra sound device out, and then he didn't look so happy anymore.

A stomach tumor - the dreaded C word raised it's ugly head - had burst and she was bleeding internally. The prognosis was not good. There are options of course, but Aisha is 13 years old (already old for a big dog) and I didn't think that a large operation would do her any good at this stage. And leaving it and waiting for her to expire was also not an option. So the other option was euthanasia (how I hate that word).

I guess we decided almost immediately that we had to take the hardest option. We owed her that much. The vet said we could take her home and that we could bring her back on Sunday so that we would have time to say goodbye. Unfortunately that meant I had to get Hanna in St. Gallen, and leaving immediately I was able to get her back home late Saturday night (not without one or two speeding fines).

Obviously for both Hanna and Marc, who have never known a life without Aisha, the situation was a lot different than for Christine and myself. But they were both troopers. We shed loads of tears and spent the next 12 hours giving Aisha hugs and kisses and tried our best to prepare ourselves for the coming appointment. She even got some bacon for breakfast which she gobbled down.

Let me tell you though - preparation is not possible. We were there the entire time, we held Aisha tight as the vet gave her a sleeping cocktail, and she fell asleep with her head on my lap. Then he gave her the final injection, and she died right there on my lap. But when the vet said she was dead, we all broke down again. The tears flowed and the sadness took over.

After the shock had settled, weary in my bones like I have never been before, we left the clinic, our beloved Aisha lying dead on the floor and tried to find some comfort in each other. We decided to go for a walk on Aisha's favourite playground, the sloops of mount Pilatus, where we shared with each other our favourite Aisha stories and what we loved most about her. There was a lot to say as we loved her very much.

The weather was accommodating (i.e. it didn't rain), occasionally the sun peeped out from behind the clouds, it was peaceful and quite and I imagined that Aisha was already somewhere fine, running in endless fields of green with her pack by her side, chasing rabbit after rabbit, eating whatever she like when she liked, knowing that she has a family on the other side who love her very much. Afterwards we went out and had lunch in a local restaurant, where we informed our families of the terrible news.

Aisha was a family dog, so loved nothing more than going with us whenever we left the house. She was happiest when we were together, often letting us know in her way when we left her behind to visit a friend who didn't appreciate dogs or went on an orienteering event where we couldn't take dogs. She was friendly, kind and enjoyed giving big wet kisses. She didn't have a bad bone in her body and her capacity to love everybody unconditionally, even those who constantly were giving her a hard time, never ceased to amaze me. I never heard her bark in anger, and I do not recall her ever growling at anything. She never bit anybody, even when stood on or kicked.

When she was younger she was a runner. If she knew I was going running she would camp out in front of the door. Her running troop where her special friends. The welcome she used to give Warti or Wolfi testament to the fact that those running days where ingrained in her from the first. Be it in the forest or on the roads, on a hot day or in a snow blizzard, she would prance along beside us, just happy to be there. We were her pack and she loved to be on the hunt so to speak. How I miss those days since the boys have become men and moved away (far away from us). How Aisha missed them.

She was loved by all who met her and was well known in the circles we moved in. If she was missing at an orienteering event, at least 10 people would ask me where she was. She was a constant source of amazement for tourists, and the number of times we were stopped and asked if it was ok to stroke / photograph her made it difficult for us to have a pleasant Sunday walk in Salzburg or Luzern or where ever we where. The calls of "is it a wolf daddy" rang ceaselessly in my ears on those walks, and always brought a smile to my face.

My beloved Aisha is gone, I do not know how I will be able to adjust my life. I will of course. That will not make it easier. I will never come home to see that beautiful (and she was so beautiful) smiling face waiting expectantly on the balcony for me, or opening that door and she being the first to greet me. My day was always brighter when she was there, now the days are duller.

Our life was richer for having her in it. Yes it was difficult sometimes but that didn't change this. We were always better off with Aisha. She was such a constant source of joy for us. We can never take her for another walk, and I regret already that I didn't take her walking in the last week. We tend to take to much for granted in our lives, I know that I can never get that time back. I wish it wasn't so.

My heart is broken.

I miss her so much.